Monthly Archives: April 2014

Fake Edible Barf!

People were recently asked, “What’s the most disgusting thing your body does?” The number one answer was, ta dah, VOMIT! Yep, good old barf is really repulsive. However, if it weren’t for upchucking, you might not be here reading about it. Vomiting is very important because it gets rid of germs and other contaminants that your body can’t handle. So the next time you upchuck, don’t forget to thank yourself.

Now imagine barf that is not only fake, but edible…

What you need:

  • oatmeal
  • tablespoon
  • applesauce
  • frying pan
  • powdered cocoa
  • spatula
  • plastic or glass plate
  • mixing bowl
  • raisin bran cereal
  • measuring cup
  • 1 packet unflavored gelatin
  • yellow food coloring

What you do:

  • Put a fistful of oatmeal into bowl. With the spoon, crunch the oatmeal.
  • Add a fistful of raisin bran cereal and crunch with the spoon.
  • WARNING! GET AN ADULT!
  • Got an adult? Great! Place 1/4 cup applesauce into the frying pan on medium heat.
  • When the applesauce begins to bubble, add 1 packet gelatin and stir well.
  • Add 1 to 2 pinches of powdered cocoa and stir thoroughly.
  • Turn off heat.
  • Sprinkle a small amount of the oatmeal-and-cereal mixture into the pan.
  • Add 2 drops of yellow food coloring.
  • Stir the mixture a bit (stir too much and the really gross chunky bits will disappear).
  • With the spatula, scrape the barf into a plate.
  • Spread and shape it until the barf looks real.
  • Cool for several hours.
  • Use spatula to remove barf from plate.
  • Gross out your auntie by eating to your stomach’s delight!

What’s Up:

The gelatin joined the applesauce and cereal bits into one mass. The cocoa powder does not add taste but changes the color of the applesauce to a lovely brown.

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Phony Poo!

How can you tell the difference between a pet dog’s poop and a wild dog’s turd? In a wild dog’s poop, you’ll notice little bones and fur; but because pet food doesn’t include all this rough stuff, your dog’s dookie is smoother. How about porcupine doo doo? Because porcupines chew on bark, their pellets look like dry clumps of sawdust.

By studying the “calling cards” left behind, you can tell which animals live in an area, changes their diets, population density, and the location of their homes. Because scat (mammal dookie) can carry disease, leave the interactive poo-exploring to the poo experts! That’s right, there are people who are actually poo experts. Or, better yet, make your own “fake” poo.

What you need:

  • measuring cup
  • oatmeal (not instant)
  • cocoa powder
  • 2 plates
  • teaspoon
  • fake sugar (like NutraSweet or Sweet’n Low; regular or powdered sugar will not work)
  • water
  • toilet paper

What you do:

  • Place 1/2 cup oatmeal on plate; grind oatmeal with your fingers to make it less chunky.
  • Add 2 teaspoons cocoa; mix with fingers.
  • Add 2 teaspoons sugar; mix.
  • Add water little by little until oatmeal mixture can be molded.
  • Shape mixture into turd. Set masterpiece aside.
  • On second plate, measure 3 teaspoons cocoa.
  • Add 1 teaspoon sugar; mix.
  • Roll fake turd in cocoa-sugar mixture.
  • Place it on toilet paper and show it to your little brother. BUT! – DON’T FORGET TO LET HIM KNOW THAT IT IS NOT REAL!

What’s Up:

Real sugar melts in the water, making mixture to soft to mold. If you used fake sugar and still had problems, adjust the amount of water: too wet or too dry and it can’t be molded. If it still doesn’t form, be sure you’re not using instant oatmeal.